I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
