It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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