i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
