i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
