Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?