What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.