The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
