Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
