So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
