i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
