Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
