You're completely useless in the revolution.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
