i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
