Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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