You smell like stripper and shame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
