He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want her autograph on my taint
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
