Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
