There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
