It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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