Umm I'm too high to move.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
