im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
