I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
