so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
