Kiss
Puke
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
