if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
