at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
