I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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