I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
