I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
