I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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