She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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