Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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