Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
