Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
