yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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