you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
