I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
