you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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