Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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