i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
