the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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