Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As shirtless as possible
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You are a genius and a whore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
