you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
