I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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