Having a random hookup so left but love u
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
