That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just high enough for therapy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
