Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
