im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
