i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
