Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
