I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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