i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
