so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
