Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize