I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
