Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
