Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
