Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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