I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
