i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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