Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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