I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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