is your mom at the bar?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
