I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
