That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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