After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
