Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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