My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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