Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
where does the pee come out of this thing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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